On the Characteristics of Men and Women, and the reason why Women reject the Addresses of Men. About Men who have Success with Women, and about Women who are easily gained over
The wives of other people may be resorted to on the occasions already
described in previous posts, of this work, but the possibility of their
acquisition, their fitness for cohabitation, the danger to oneself in uniting with them, and the future effect of these unions, should first of albe examined. A man may resort to the wife of another, for the purpose of saving his own life, when he perceives that his love for her proceeds from one degree of intensity to another.
These degrees are ten in number, and are distinguished by the following marks:
- Love of the eye
- Attachment of the mind
- Constant reflection
- Destruction of sleep
- Emaciation of the body
- Turning away from objects of enjoyment
- Removaof shame
Ancient authors say that a man should know the disposition, truthfulness,
purity, and wilof a young woman, as also the intensity, or weakness of her
passions, from the form of her body, and from her characteristic marks and
signs. But Vatsyayana is of opinion that the forms of bodies, and the
characteristic marks or signs are but erring tests of character, and that women should be judged by their conduct, by the outward expression of their thoughts, and by the movements of their bodies.
Now as a generarule Gonikaputra says that a woman falls in love with every
handsome man she sees, and so does every man at the sight of a beautiful
woman, but frequently they do not take any further steps, owing to various
considerations. In love the following circumstances are peculiar to the woman. She loves without regard to right or wrong,1 and does not try to gain over a man simply for the attainment of some particular purpose. Moreover, when a man first makes up to her she naturally shrinks from him, even though she may be willing to unite herself with him. But when the attempts to gain her are repeated and renewed, she at last consents. But with a man, even though he may have begun to love, he conquers his feelings from a regard for morality and wisdom, and although his thoughts are often on the woman, he does not yield, even though an attempt be made to gain him over. He sometimes makes an attempt or effort to win the object of his affections, and having failed, he leaves her alone for the future. In the same way, when a woman is once gained, he often becomes indifferent about her. As for the saying that a man does not care for what is easily gained, and only desires a thing which cannot be obtained without difficulty, it is only a matter of talk.
Ancient authors are of opinion that girls are not so easily seduced by employing female messengers as by the efforts of the man himself, but that the wives of others are more easily got at by the aid of female messengers than by the personal efforts of the man. But Vatsyayana lays it down that whenever it is possible a man should always act himself in these matters, and it is only when such is impracticable, or impossible, that female messengers should be employed. As for the saying that women who act and talk boldly and freely are to be won by the personal efforts of the man, and that women who do not possess those qualities are to be got at by female messengers, it is only a matter of talk.
Now when a man acts himself in the matter he should first of all make the
acquaintance of the woman he loves in the following manner:
He should arrange to be seen by the woman either on a natural or special
opportunity. A natural opportunity is when one of them goes to the house of the other, and a special opportunity is when they meet either at the house of a friend, or a caste-fellow, or a minister, or a physician, as also on the occasion of marriage ceremonies, sacrifices, festivals, funerals, and garden parties.
When they do meet, the man should be careful to look at her in such a way as
to cause the state of his mind to be made known to her; he should pull about
his moustache, make a sound with his nails, cause his own ornaments to tinkle, bite his lower lip, and make various other signs of that description. When she is looking at him he should speak to his friends about her and other women, and should show to her his liberality and his appreciation of enjoyments. When sitting by the side of a female friend he should yawn and twist his body, contract his eyebrows, speak very slowly as if he was weary, and listen to her indifferently. A conversation having two meanings should also be carried on with a child or some other person, apparently having regard to a third person, but really having reference to the woman he loves, and in this way his love should be made manifest under the pretext of referring to others rather than to herself. He should make marks that have reference to her, on the earth with his nails, or with a stick, and should embrace and kiss a child in her presence, and give it the mixture of betel nut and betel leaves with his tongue, and press its chin with his fingers in a caressing way. All these things should be done at theproper time and in proper places.
The man should fondle a child that may be sitting on her lap, and give it
something to play with, and also take the same back again. Conversation with
respect to the child may also be held with her, and in this manner he should
gradually become well acquainted with her, and he should also make himself
agreeable to her relations. Afterwards, this acquaintance should be made a
pretext for visiting her house frequently, and on such occasions he should
converse on the subject of love in her absence but within her hearing. As his
intimacy with her increases he should place in her charge some kind of deposit or trust, and take away from it a small portion at a time; or he may give her some fragrant substances, or betel nuts to be kept for him by her. After this he should endeavour to make her well acquainted with his own wife, and get them to carry on confidential conversations, and to sit together in lonely places.
Examination of the State of a Woman’s mind
When a man is trying to gain over a woman he should examine the state of her mind, and act as follows:
If she listens to him, but does not manifest to him in any way her own
intentions, he should then try to gain her over by means of a go-between.
If she meets him once, and again comes to meet him better dressed than
before, or comes to him in some lonely place, he should be certain that she is
capable of being enjoyed by the use of a little force. A woman who lets a man
make up to her, but does not give herself up, even after a long time, should be
considered as a trifler in love, but owing to the fickleness of the human mind,
even such a woman can be conquered by always keeping up a close
acquaintance with her.
When a woman avoids the attentions of a man, and on account of respect for
him, and pride in herself, will not meet him or approach him, she can be gained over with difficulty, either by endeavouring to keep on familiar terms with her, or else by an exceedingly clever go-between.
When a man makes up to a woman, and she reproaches him with harsh words,
she should be abandoned at once.
When a woman reproaches a man, but at the same time acts affectionately
towards him, she should be made love to in every way.
A woman, who meets a man in lonely places, and puts up with the touch of his
foot, but pretends, on account of the indecision of her mind, not to be aware of it, should be conquered by patience, and by continued efforts as follows:
If she happens to go to sleep in his vicinity he should put his left arm round
her, and see when she awakes whether she repulses him in reality, or only
repulses him in such a way as if she was desirous of the same thing being done
to her again. And what is done by the arm can also be done by the foot. If the
man succeeds in this point he should embrace her more closely, and if she will not stand the embrace and gets up, but behaves with him as usual the next day, he should consider then that she is not unwilling to be enjoyed by him. If however she does not appear again, the man should try to get over her by means of a go-between; and if, after having disappeared for some time, she again appears, and behaves with him as usual, the man should then consider that she would not object to be united with him.
When a woman gives a man an opportunity, and makes her own love manifest
to him, he should proceed to enjoy her. And the signs of a woman manifesting
her love are these:
- She calls out to a man without being addressed by him in the first instance.
- She shows herself to him in secret places.
- She speaks to him tremblingly and inarticulately.
The Business of a Go-Between
If a woman has manifested her love or desire, either by signs or by motions of
the body, and is afterwards rarely or never seen anywhere, or if a woman is
met for the first time, the man should get a go-between to approach her.
Now the go-between, having wheedled herself into the confidence of the
woman by acting according to her disposition, should try to make her hate or
despise her husband by holding artful conversations with her, by telling her
about medicines for getting children, by talking to her about other people, by
tales of various kinds, by stories about the wives of other men, and by praising her beauty, wisdom, generosity and good nature, and then saying to her: `It is indeed a pity that you, who are so excellent a woman in every way, should be possessed of a husband of this kind. Beautiful lady, he is not fit even to serve you.’ The go-between should further talk to the woman about the weakness of the passion of her husband, his jealousy, his roguery, his ingratitude, his aversion to enjoyments, his dullness, his meanness, and all the other faults that he may have, and with which she may be acquainted. She should particularly harp upon that fault or that failing by which the wife may appear to be the most affected. If the wife be a deer woman, and the husband a hare man, then there would be no fault in that direction, but in the event of his being a hare man, and she a mare woman or elephant woman, then this fault should be pointed out to her.
Gonikaputra is of opinion that when it is the first affair of the woman, or when
her love has only been very secretly shown, the man should then secure and
send to her a go-between, with whom she may be already acquainted, and in
whom she confides. But to return to our subject. The go-between should tell the woman about the obedience and love of the man, and as her confidence and affection increase, she should then explain to her the thing to be accomplished in the following way. `Hear this, Oh beautiful lady, that this man, born of a good family, having seen you, has gone mad on your account. The poor young man, who is tender by nature, has never been distressed in such a way before, and it is highly probable that he will succumb under his present affliction, and experience the pains of death.’ If the woman listens with a favourable ear, then on the following day the go-between, having observed marks of good spirits in her face, in her eyes, and in her manner of conversation, should again converse with her on the subject of the man, and should tell her the stories of Ahalya and Indra, of Sakoontala and Dushyanti, and such others as may be fitted for the occasion. She should also describe to her the strength of the man, his talents, his skill in the sixty-four sorts of enjoyments mentioned by Babhravya, his good looks, and his liaison with some praiseworthy woman, no matter whether this last ever took place or not. In addition to this, the go-between should carefully note the behaviour of thewoman, which if favourable would be as follows: She would address her with a smiling look, would seat herself close beside her, and ask her, `Where have you been? What have you been doing? Where did you dine? Where did you sleep? Where have you been sitting?’
Part X covers – On the Love of Persons in authority with the Wives of other People ..and more