When a girl of the same caste, and a virgin, is married in accordance with the
precepts of Holy Writ, the results of such a union are the acquisition of Dharma and Artha, offspring, affinity, increase of friends, and untarnished love. For this reason a man should fix his affections upon a girl who is of good family, whose parents are alive, and who is three years or more younger than himself. She should be born of a highly respectable family, possessed of wealth, well connected, and with many relations and friends. She should also be beautiful, of a good disposition, with lucky marks on her body, and with good hair, nails, teeth, ears, eyes and breasts, neither more nor less than they ought to be, and no one of them entirely wanting, and not troubled with a sickly body. The man should, of course, also possess these qualities himself. But at all events, says Ghotakamukha, a girl who has been already joined with others (i.e. no longer a maiden) should never be loved, for it would be reproachable to do such a thing.
Now in order to bring about a marriage with such a girl as described above,
thee parents and relations of the man should exert themselves, as also such
friends on both sides as may be desired to assist in the matter. These friends
should bring to the notice of the girl’s parents, the faults, both present and
future, of all the other men that may wish to marry her, and should at the same time extol even to exaggeration all the excellencies, ancestral, and paternal, of their friend, so as to endear him to them, and particularly to those that may be liked by the girl’s mother. One of the friends should also disguise himself as an astrologer, and declare the future good fortune and wealth of his friend by showing the existence of all the lucky omens (1) and signs, (2) the good influence of planets, the auspicious entrance of the sun into a sign of the Zodiac, propitious stars and fortunate marks on his body. Others again should rouse the jealousy of the girl’s mother by telling her that their friend has a chance of getting from some other quarter even a better girl than hers.
Of creating confidence in the girl
For the first three days after marriage, the girl and her husband should sleep
on the floor, abstain from sexual pleasures, and eat their food without
seasoning it either with alkali or salt. For the next seven days they should bathe amidst tire sounds of auspicious musical instruments, should decorate
themselves, dine together, and pay attention to their relations as well as to
those who may have come to witness their marriage. This is applicable to
persons of all castes. On the night of the tenth day the man should begin in a
lonely place with soft words, and thus create confidence in the girl. Some
authors say that for the purpose of winning her over he should not speak to her for three days, but the followers of Babhravya are of opinion that if the man does not speak with her for three days, the girl may be discouraged by seeing him spiritless like a pillar, and, becoming dejected, she may begin to despise him as a eunuch.
Vatsyayana says that the man should begin to win her over, and to create
confidence in her, but should abstain at first from sexual pleasures. Women,
being of a tender nature, want tender beginnings, and when they are forcibly
approached by men with whom they are but slightly acquainted, they
sometimes suddenly become haters of sexual connection, and sometimes even haters of the male sex. The man should therefore approach the girl according to her liking, and should make use of those devices by which he may be able to establish himself more and more into her confidence.
These devices are as follows:
He should embrace her first of all in a way she likes most, because it does not
last for a long time.
He should embrace her with the upper part of his body because that is easier
and simpler. If the girl is grown up, or if the man has known her for some time, he may embrace her by the light of a lamp, but if he is not well acquainted with her, or if she is a young girl, he should then embrace her in darkness.
When the girl accepts the embrace, the man should put a tambula or screw of
betel nut and betel leaves in her mouth, and if she will not take it, he should
induce her to do so by conciliatory words, entreaties, oaths, and kneeling at her feet, for it is a universal rule that however bashful or angry a woman may be she never disregards a man’s kneeling at her feet. At the time of giving this
tambula he should kiss her mouth softly and gracefully without making any
When she is gained over in this respect he should then make her talk, and so
that she may be induced to talk he should ask her questions about things of
which he knows or pretends to know nothing, and which can be answered in a
few words. If she does not speak to him, he should not frighten her, but should ask her the same thing again and again in a conciliatory manner. If she does not then speak he should urge her to give a reply because, as Ghotakamukha says, `all girls hear everything said to them by men, but do not themselves sometimes say a single word’.