Checklist - How do you know if your relationship is still working

The excitement every time the phone rings, the long hours spent together that just fly by and the giggling conversations with girlfriends or good-natured teasing by mates, over how you were meant for each other.

What makes for a healthy romantic relationship differs from couple to couple. Forming a trusting and positive partnership takes effort and time. And unfortunately, it doesn’t just happen overnight. For any relationship to grow strong and stay strong, you need to put in some work. Other times, it becomes difficult to sustain the relationship.

Sometimes even the closest relationships can go wrong. But how do you know if you or your partner may need help, or when should seek help for your relationship? The glossy magazines have quizzes on how to tell if you’re in love, or if he/she loves you, but not if it’s not working.

What can we measure our relationship against to know if it’s going in the right direction, and if it’s not what can we do?

Situations that should ring alarm bells are when your partner

  • lies or is secretive constantly about where s/he is, what s/he is doing or who s/he is with
  • needs to know your detailed whereabouts every day and constantly rings to check up on you
  • tries to make you sever contact with friends or family, because really you only need him/her
  •  demeans your thoughts, feelings and other relationships
  •  questions your past constantly, yet you know very little about his/hers
  • inspects your finances and needs to know where every cent is spent, yet you have no idea how much s/he even earns
  •  constantly needs to be with you and gets angry and spiteful if you want to go anywhere with anybody else
  •  wants to pick fights or arguments with others if they look at you
  •  yells and screams and threatens you if you don’t do what s/he wants
  •  turns to physical violence then apologises, but says you ‘made him/her’ do it
If you tick any of the above, you might need to speak to someone about your relationship and explore how to improve it – or leave it. Better discuss your mid-life crisis with your trusted family or friends or parents.
How do you know if your relationship is still working
Couples often experience difficulties due to each others (so called) ‘baggage’ – but with commitment from both sides (and adjustments), these should be temporary. However where only one party is making an effort they can be insurmountable. If someone loves you they want to lift you up, make you happy, not pull you down and have you live with humiliation or violence. If you are not happy or not feeling safe and comfortable in your relationship only you can change this.
There are counselors  and organisations who will be there for you, will understand you and support you.

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