Heartbreak. It’s a hard thing to go through. And the pain—it’s real, isn’t it? Like tangible pain. Almost as if that person, throughout the time we were with them, emblazoned our hearts with tiny little hooks and, one by one, they’re being wrenched out. Well almost similar to it!
We have all been hurt by another person at one time or another. We have been treated poorly, had our hearts broken or been angry in some way. Hurt, anger and heartbreak are human emotions that are a fact of life, but how you deal with these emotions has a huge impact on your overall happiness and well-being.
Before you can begin to let go of anger and heartbreak you need to consider the effects that these emotions have on your well-being. Everyone has the right to grieve a loss or the end of a relationship. Everyone is upset or angry at some point throughout their lives. These emotions are part of the healing process and they help you grow emotionally. It is when this grieving process lasts too long that it becomes an issue. Holding on to heartbreak, hurt and anger can lead to bitterness, depression and lack of self-esteem. These emotions will hold you back from happiness if you dwell on them for too long.
Clinging on to anger and heartbreak are a common issue, especially among women. Many women have suffered abusive relationships or bad break-up’s and the effects of these situations take a toll on their lives. Women tend to hold on to these emotions more than men because we are highly emotionally driven and we tend to over analyze more than men do, often asking why and reliving the situation in search of answers. With many women the anger and heartbreak they feel initially roots itself deep inside and holds on relentlessly. It is this harbored anger and heartbreak that inevitably causes unhappiness and eventually puts strain on future relationships. If you aim to live a full and happy life it is important that you learn to let go of anger and heartbreak for good.
Being able to forgive those people who have hurt you in the past is a major step towards living a more positive life. We must be free of (or as free as possible) anger and heartbreak before we can truly open ourselves up to positivity.
Below are a few tips to help you face your anger and heartbreak and begin working towards your goal of letting these feelings go.
How to Forgive the Past and Face the Future:
- Accept that these emotions will not change a thing. Though anger and heartbreak may be a natural part of any healing process it is important that you realize they will not change the past.
- Realize that forgiveness can change your life. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to forget, or erase, the past. Forgiveness does not mean the person who hurt you will change. Just as anger and heartbreak will not change the past, forgiveness won’t either, but forgiveness will change the future, your future!Forgiveness means that you are acknowledging the way you feel and you are choosing to let those feelings go. You do not have to forgive the person that caused the pain, but you need to accept that you can not control them, and you must make the choice to move forward with your life regardless, and because, of what happened to you.
- Understand that it is not going to be easy. Forgiveness is not a simple task on any level, and it becomes more difficult the more personal the harm. You must accept that facing your anger/heartbreak is not going to be easy, but the reward will be worth the effort involved.
- Write it out. When you make the choice to let go of these emotions it is important that you get these feelings out. One great way of doing this is to write them down in a journal, or in a file on your computer. The process may be emotional, depending on where the anger/heartbreak stems from, how deeply rooted it has become, or how personal the pain. Take your time and only write what you can. If it takes you a week to get through the story and get all of your thoughts out, so be it. Work at your own pace. One rule though: As you write do not analyse! It is about sharing the facts of the story and your emotions towards the situation NOT about trying to ‘solve’ it. You will never solve the hurt… You can not change the past!
- Talk it out. If you can’t write, talk. (or do both) Find a trusted friend or seek a counselor and talk about what happen to you. Some times just sharing your emotions with another person makes you feel better. Again remember it is about ‘what’ happened, not ‘why’ and it is important the person you are speaking with is aware of your ultimate goal. Talking about your situation is also a wonderful way to help others that may be facing the same thing, especially if your pain was deep or personal such as, abuse or infidelity. Thousands of people may be going through the same issues you faced, and teaching even one of them the tools they need to overcome it will empower you and greatly speed up your healing process.
- Consider the factors of your feelings. A great step in this process is to consider the pros and cons of your anger/heartbreak. Make a list of all the hurt that these emotions have caused and what forgiveness would bring to your life. Consider questions such as, What problems have these emotions caused in your life since the incident? How has it affected your relationships? How has it affected you? socially/physically/mentally/emotionally. How has it held you back? Look at the list of negatives you have just created that are associated with holding on to anger/heartbreak and realize you need to let these feelings go. Now, make up a list of all the positive things that forgiveness would grant you. These positive items should reflect and contradict the negative ones above. Once you see the potential in black and white it will be easier to accept the change. Re-write the positive items and place them in an area where you will see them everyday, they will serve as a reminder to you of why you are choosing to let the anger go and live your life, your way.
- Exercise your right to choose. Once you have accepted that you can not control others actions and you embrace the fact that you have the choice to control the way you feel, the process of forgiveness will be well on its way to being complete. Realize that you have the choice to let go. You can choose to stop hurting, reliving the pain, feeling the anger, or suffering from the negativity of these emotions. Choose to be the best ‘you’ possible, and choose to forgive the person that hurt you because they are not doing the same. Some times putting yourself in the other person’s shoes can be helpful, not to justify their actions, but to realize that you have power over them… You have the power to CHOOSEto move on, be a better person, live YOUR life. They don’t have that choice, only you can be you! Realize that deep acts of violence, pain or hurt are caused by people who are weaker than you, people who don’t have the same power of choice that you have at this moment. Don’t excuse them, but forgive them and leave them to the life THEY choose. You must make the choice to remove the control and power they have over you, don’t give them the luxury of controlling you any longer. This is an especially great way to look at it if your aim is to forgive an abuser, many abusers are seeking control, don’t grant them that pleasure… Take back your life!
- Don’t bother with blame. Most people will tell you to blame the other person, or that you were partly responsible for what happened. None of that matters anymore. It is irrelevant who is at fault, all that matters is that you choose to let it go and you embrace your life TODAY! Learn from the mistake, whether you feel it was you who made it or not, and utilize it as a tool for your future.
- Take steps towards the future. Once you have worked through your feelings and you are ready to really let them go take steps towards change. For some this may mean dating, for others it may be making new friends or finding old ones. It might mean picking up a hobby or livening up your social life. Whatever the action you choose, take steps toward a goal with an open mind and a forgiving heart. If your pain was deep be sure to start small, and slowly work your way up. Break big goals, such as, getting a boyfriend/girlfriend, in to smaller ones such as, signing up for an online dating site or visiting a singles dance. Don’t be afraid to look to friends for support it is important that your friends and family are aware of your goals so they can be there to help you achieve them.
- Lastly, Live for the moment. Try to be happy. Chances are this will not be the last time you feel anger or heartbreak, these are a part of life for us all, but instead of dwelling on them in the future accept them as a lesson learned and move forward. Each and every obstacle we face is there to bring us closer to where we are meant to be in life… “Everything happens for a reason, all we need to do is continue down the path presented to us and wait for all the pieces to fall into place.”
Remember anger and heartbreak are natural, they need to be felt and worked through, but they should not become your way of life. Focus on those things that make you most happy and let go of those which cause you pain. There are a million other people, places and things out there for you to enjoy, you only need to seek them out with an open heart and a positive mind.