Anger could lead to huge disagreement, violent arguments or even physical assualt. Controlling anger not only helps your mind and body but also keeps your loved ones and people around you happy, keeping you at peace within.

We all know what anger is, and we’ve all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.

The Nature of Anger

Anger is “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage,” according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

As Dr. Spielberger notes, “when none of these three techniques work, that’s when someone—or something—is going to get hurt.”

Top 10 ways to control anger

1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!


  1. arronwrath says:

    I’ve always thought I seemed to be different in the way I think, it’s like a race in my head with all the cars crashing into each other and I don’t know I’ve not had the best life I guess and I’ve always tried to keep things inward than outward.
    I’m over reliant on what others think i guess, always saying things I don’t mean, then feeling shit I said them because I don’t believe what I’m always saying.
    My parents would argue aggressively a lot when I was a kid and i ended up being moved up and down the country, but I’m settled now so I don’t know if it was that that caused these feelings, but as far back as I can remember my heads always been racing like this, I obsess and obsess over something, I’m a creative person, I write a lot and I want to be a writer, but I only ever end up throwing away what I write in the day, and then staying up all night thinking of ideas I like, untill the next day when I throw some of them away anyway.
    I had a break up recently, and I wanted her to be happy I really did, but I just got worse, last week, one day I felt like i’d gotten over the worst of it and I was really happy, and then when I woke up the next morning I felt paralyzed and the empty stabbing feeling in my gut wouldn’t go away no matter what I tried to think or do, in the end I ended up sneaking out of school and just sitting in a field for a while to try and regain some composure, but when I got back I ended up collapsing again and hitting my head off the wall wishing I just wasn’t me.
    It keeps happening, I just feel shit one day through the whole day and then fine on others, and I know it’s been like this for years, but it’s getting worse every day, I almost broke my hand punching the wall yesterday, not because I was angry I just needed to let something out.
    It’s not like I want to feel like this, I have been thinking about seeing a doctor or somebody so I can just be told I’m normal, or that I’m not but here’s how it’s fixed, so I don’t have to put up with this shit anymore, I know even my friends are sick of me at this stage, one of them said they never know if they’re going to get the me that bursts into the school in the morning (i’m 18) and be lively and fun or if i’m going to be miserable and inward all day or if i’m going to just be a moody arsehole all day.
    I feel broken and scared because I dont know what to do and I need a change because i cant be like this anymore, i dont think it’s the real me and I don’t like the thoughts that keep coming into my head, i am hurting myself more and more physicaly with this aswell know and i dont want it to get any worse.
    I’ve already stopped writing or talking to friends, i dont have the guts to anymore, i cant eat and i cant sleep and i really just wish this was all over
    Does anybody know even how to approach a doctor about this kind of thing, or even if you should see a doctor or somebody else, I don’t want to have to see too many people about this kind of thing..

  2. Jack Bauer says:


  3. I’ve been dating this guy for two and a half months now and things feel up and down. He’s a flight attendant so his life is constantly changing around and I’ve tried to be accommodating of that but it’s hard because I worry too god damn much. We have a great time when we’re together but when we don’t talk for a day and I see him posting on facebook I start getting anxiety and really depressed. I’m addicted to talking to him and spending time with him when he obviously needs his space. I get jealous and have random bursts of crying and anger when we’re not together but I have tried with all my might to mask it and pretend it doesn’t happen. I’ve been doing an amazing job because I’ve only gotten upset with him five times and they were so minor and I apologized immediately after. I get upset over something instantaneously and it will take me thirty minutes to get over and when I don’t freak out at him it I feel normal.

    My question is that am I ruining it or do I have the potential of ruining it? When we’re not with each other he has begun distancing me via text but when we spend time together it’s wonderful. I don’t have anxiety and I’m very passive and loving in person with him. I get so upset and paranoid secretly because for a little over a month he hasn’t been affectionate with me through texting even if he is in person. Sometimes he’ll be on facebook on his phone and likes people’s shit and updates his status but doesn’t text me the whole day. I see him once or if I’m lucky twice a week but it still constantly nags at me.

    I sound psychotic when i verbalize it but I really have been so depressed because of him. I want to be with him so badly but since I’m bi-polar people seem to think that I’m way too much to deal with so I don’t get close to people to spare them the misery. I don’t take anything out on people but I have heard so many times that I’m too overwhelming since I worry about things too much. It hurts me so much to think about that but I can’t help it. I feel so out of control that I want some control so I worry about everything so that I don’t feel out of whack.

    I don’t know how to solve this. I’m on medication but not at the therapeutic level l need to be on and I can’t see my psychiatrist soon since I have so much school work.

    What should I do for now? I just need some consolation since I feel so lonely, depressed, and out of whack.

  4. If they were experiencing these things:

    1) Severe anger issues (e.g. will attack their own parents, both physically and mentally, through frustration and anger at themselves)
    2) Severe mood swings that they find hard to cope with and has led to mental/emotional breakdown many times in the past
    3) Suicidal feelings
    4) Self-harming (ranging from head banging /punching walls to cutting themselves to overdosing)
    5) Noticeable anxiety issues where some days they cannot even manage to get out of the house and have nervous habits (such as hand fiddling and clattering teeth) when they are around crowds of people they feel uncomfortable being around
    6) Can be very irritable at times and very snappy about things such as sounds they cannot control (such as a repetitive alarm tone)
    7) ‘Random’ bursts of unexplained anger which causes frustration because it is unexplainable to them
    8) Running away from home because they want to get away from memories of loneliness
    9) Feel like a burden
    10) Goes through phases that everyone just wants rid of them and that most people hate them
    11) At times can’t stand to be touched (e.g. hugged)
    12) Sudden up-rise in moods (like they are on a high) that will last for 1-4 days
    13) A sudden extreme drop in mood after a short period of time in which they were ‘level’ in mood
    14) Shut-down when in difficult situations
    15) Goes through stages where they feel possessed

    16) Sexual promiscuity
    17) Sleeping problems
    18) Night terrors
    19) Tendency towards drinking and drugs

  5. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Get to the root of the problem and deal with it. The problem is, I have so many problems going on; I’d just like to learn how to manage my anger. I’ve gotten so close to just bursting out on some random person that it’s starting to scare me. I don’t talk about my feelings with others a lot; they don’t need to hear my sob story. I’ve tried putting a rubber band on my wrist and pulling it each time I feel anger, but I feel like a moron whenever I do that. Does anyone have a solution?

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