Rebuild Your Confidence and Self Belief

Have you ever been in a situation in which you did not perform as well as you could or something untoward happened which has resulted in your confidence being blown away?

If like me and many others, just thinking about it fills you with dread and a reluctance to put yourself in such situations again?

Some will reflect, learn and pluck up the courage to have another stab at it. For others, it may be much harder because you have convinced yourself that you will fail. You avoid similar situations and become unwilling to put yourself forward.

This limits new opportunities and possibilities being opened up to you and can have an adverse effect on progressing your career and moving forward.

Try using the techniques below to change the way you think.

Boost your confidence and self belief

Reframe limiting beliefs

Reframe limiting beliefs: Albert Ellis, founder of REBT, developed a way to teach people how their beliefs cause their emotional and behavioural responses.

For example, you dwell on the negatives of a ‘bad’ experience of giving a presentation. These negative thoughts are played over and over in your mind until they become embedded beliefs.

Whenever placed in similar situations, the feelings of anxiety and nervousness emerge. It is not giving a presentation that causes those feelings, it is the beliefs that you have associated with them.

Examples of such limiting beliefs are the need for approval from others (if this is not 100% they will think less of me) and it must be perfect with no hitches (if there a mistake then it has all gone wrong)

Dispute and banish those negative beliefs and replace them with positive performance enhancing ones. For example, ‘I realise that my belief is unrealistic and keeps me stuck. The only way I’m going to find out about the quality of my ideas is by presenting them. If they are rejected, it is important for me to distinguish between my ideas being rejected and me rejecting myself because my ideas have been. If someone does think I’m a fool I certainly don’t have to agree with them….’

How to build Your Confidence and Self Belief

Focal point

Use an anchor: Physiologist & psychologist Ivan Pavlov discovered a phenomenon called conditioning. At meal times he would ring a ring to call his dogs to the food. After a period of time he found that even without any food, the dogs would salivate from hearing the sound of the bell.

An anchor works in a similar way. By conditioning responses to an anchor we are able to get into a specific state. How to do this:

  1. Think of a time when you were really brimming with confidence, self belief and feeling on top of the world. Relive the memory of that experience. Construct thoughts, images, feelings and visualise yourself in that state.
  2. At the peak of that state, when the feeling is most intense, anchor that feeling to a unique trigger such as a light pinch of the palm.
  3. Change into a neutral state by moving around and doing and thinking positively about something different.
  4. Repeat that process and practice several times until every time you pinch your left palm you will be in a confident state.

Feel it

Visualisation: Imagine and play through the desired outcome in your head. Rehearse and practice the scene until you perfect it. Bring the little details to life..what are you wearing, how you are feeling, how you are speaking, how you move about the room, what questions might come up, what your response would be…

Positive

Affirmations: These are short, I, Me and My statements that you repeat to yourself in order to change limiting beliefs. How we feel and act is influenced by our thoughts. Change the way you think and you will change the way you feel and behave. State your affirmations in the present tense. “I am a confident speaker,” ‘I am confident in my speaking abilities’

Practising these simple techniques which help you to think more positively about yourself and raise your confidence and self belief.

2 Responses to Rebuild Your Confidence and Self Belief

  1. James says:

    Lots of great suggestions. I’d like to share neat little trick I’ve learned… 1…Act self-confident. To act self-assured. No one will know that deep down, you may think you’re an insecure loser. Which you aren’t, of course, but we humans are capable of telling ourselves the most deranged lies. 2…No one needs to know you feel insecure; no one will know. So if you appear confident, especially by displaying optimal body language, you’ll end up increasing your actual confidence. After all, you have to practice it to attain it; no one is born completely confident in themselves. Some specific tips on how to do so: 3… Improve your posture. Sit up straight. Don’t slouch. You’ve been told this a million times, because it matters. 4….Smile. Even if you fake a smile in the mirror, it has been scientifically shown to boost your mood. A happy mood is the perfect foundation for practicing confidence. 5…..Keep your chin at LEAST parallel to the ground. No lower. You’re better than that, hun. 6…Make eye contact. I’ve learned that the next person is just as afraid of you as you are of them. So don’t look away the instant you make eye contact with someone. (But then, obviously, don’t stare them down and creep them out.) 7….Avoid using phrases such as “I think.” You’re saying it, so of course you think it. So just say it. Example: “I think I like how this dress looks on me” vs. “I like how this dress looks on me.” Which statement sounds like it belongs to a more self-assured person? 8….This tip, I have recently found, is gold: make your own decisions. Small or big. Trust yourself. Don’t resort to the opinions of others. I find it very easy to go running to others for their opinions on the smallest matters. But ultimately, I know myself best. And if I make an incorrect decision on something trivial, so what? My world won’t crumble. I mean, the universe has a scheduled expiration date, everything will ultimately end, but it will not be because of a non-optimal choice I made on what to have for lunch, or what to wear. Even better, the more I challenge myself to make my own decisions, the better I will be at making them, because I’ll know myself better. I can look out for what outcomes I absolutely love and absolutely want to avoid. 9….Listen to upbeat music that makes you feel badass. Enough said. 10….Truly realize that you are no less than others. You still have a chance to put in work and get your act together. Anything you tell yourself otherwise, is a lie. I’m guilty of this. I need to stop. Hope you learn some good insights.

  2. Kim says:

    It’s my personal belief that everything you want in life is attainable through high self-esteem. This follows that everything you fear in life can come through low self-esteem. With that being said, I also believe self-esteem isn’t a cure-all for well-being, but a prerequisite for it. It increases your chances for success.

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